Hi. My name is Ashley. This is my first time to do something like this. And let me tell you, I am VERY excited. Since my journey started, like many of you, I have been afraid to share my story. Actually, I did share my story. A few years ago on Facebook. And I regret it, because people look at me differently now. So here is my story.
My whole life I studied to be a violinist. I practiced hours and hours a day. Seriously. I was in youth orchestra, and I made All State. And even went to an Arts Magnet school in my city. I was in National Honor Society, and my grades were very good. I don't say this to brag: I say it because it is true. Was true.
During my junior year of high school, things started to change. I wasn't able to focus. My grades started to slip. And my confidence in playing violin began to drop. I had massive anxiety. I started having panic attacks. Of course, I had no idea what was happening.
Concerned about these new changes of events, my parents got me to start seeing a psychologist that came to my school weekly. And naturally, I was scared of the stigma of being seen walking into his office. I remember that I would look around and make sure that no one was coming before I sneaked in.
The psychologist diagnosed me with dysthymia (minor depression) and anxiety. My pediatrician prescribed me medicine to help with the anxiety. It didn't help much.
Basically, I started failing my classes. Dramatically. I had 29 zeros in all of my classes combined in my last grading period for my junior year. The teachers never reported anything suspicious to my parents.
Overall, I shouldn't have passed junior year. The school looked the other way, because I was transferring to a private school. I was hospitalized for the first time in May of 2014, and since I was still 17, I was in the children's unit.
I'm 20 now. I've been hospitalized 9 times.
I want this blog to show my story. I want it to inspire others, and let them (you!) know that they are not alone. Mental illness is just as serious, if not more serious, as a physical illness. It is an unseen disability. It is something that some people (including me) struggle with every day.
Thank you for reading this. More blog posts to come,
Schizo Princess
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